Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
