I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize