How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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