Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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