Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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