you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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