yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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