i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
