I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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