quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
