The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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