I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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