you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
