I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
