did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!