those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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