we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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