If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i think my cat just said my name.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
as a side note pls kill me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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