Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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