My hand turned me down
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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