I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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