I looked at my own cervix.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
