we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
