We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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