He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
