Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
