I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
did you just send me my own nude
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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