I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
