he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
