well you can't waste a boner
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
