So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
