just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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