Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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