Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
