Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
