Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
