You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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