I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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