low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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