apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
