I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
