$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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