hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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