Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
