Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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