I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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