In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
