Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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