So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
