just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Randomize
