the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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