so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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