youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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