I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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