he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
