Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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