only you would photoshop your dick
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
