just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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