Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
