1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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