She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
