WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
