GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
