I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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