she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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