Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
