I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
false alarm. still invincible.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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