i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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