Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
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