he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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