talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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