Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
