I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
