She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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